Real Leadership Is Shown AFTER The Crisis

Recently I had a very good friend come to me with an issue at work. Although she is a top performer and excellent at what she does, she had a meeting with a senior leader who gave her negative feedback in a very nonconstructive manner. She left the meeting feeling deflated, unmotivated, and really unappreciated.

I'll spare the details to protect all those involved, but to make a long story short, she was trying to figure out whether she should say something to her manager about the situation, or whether she should just let it slide. I called her and gave her a pep talk about how leadership has nothing to do with the crisis itself. Point being that she had a personal crisis, and that if she let it slide, she wouldn't be a very good leader for herself.

Many examples of this came to mind, both good and bad.

Good Example: When 9/11 happened, no one blamed Mayor Giuliani for the attack itself. However as soon as it started going down he didn't blame anyone (like he could of), but instead swung into action to provide support, leadership, and direction to a city that was in chaos. To this day, Rudy Giuliani is commended for his efforts after that tragedy. He knew what needed to be done even though it wasn't easy, and made the tough decisions that the average person wasn't able to make.

Bad Example: The 2011 American Congress' "Super Committee". America is in the midst of a crisis as we speak, and the politicians "swung into action" during the debt ceiling crisis by forming a committee and kicking the can down the road. Sure enough, we are merely days away from the deadline set forth by congress itself with little to no progress on negotiations. Real leaders would step up, lay out the hard decisions that need to be made, and help the country move forward. Instead we get rhetoric and party politics. Ironically enough, the Government is likely going to bring the US down in the long term, which is exactly what the founding father's were trying to protect against in the constitution.


So What Do You Do If You Are In This Situation?

If you are the leader giving negative feedback, you need to remember the following:
-No matter what you do, you cannot avoid the crisis. You can mitigate the risk, but it's a matter of when, not if the crisis will hit.
-Your followers will not lose faith in you because the crisis happened, but they will lose faith in you if you don't take the challenge to fix the problem head on in a constructive manner.
-Your employees want to do the best they can for you. Remember that they are significantly more upset than you are because they feel like they let you down.
-Giving negative feedback is pointless unless you deliver it in a way that encourages change in the person's behavior.  Making them feel like crap won't get you anywhere. Your job as a boss is to make people feel good.
-If personal issues/feelings/emotions are top of mind vs. the feedback you have to give, reschedule the meeting. DON'T give feedback while you are mad/angry/upset.

If you are the employee/colleague/friend in the pickle that my friend is, you need to remember the following:
-Everyone has a crappy day. You are having a crappy day, but your leader was probably having a crappy day before you sat down together. Try to put yourself in their shoes and understand why they might be upset.
-Remember that you are a valued employee. This one feedback session went poorly, but 99% of the time you are getting positive feedback, so don't let 1 bad day crowd out the overall good trend.
-Sleep on your thoughts and feelings. When you wake up the next day, reflect write down how the meeting made you feel.
-In a couple of days, meet with your leader to discuss the feedback session. Acknowledge the feedback you received and what you need to go work on, but also address how the previous interaction made you feel. Be sure to focus on how YOU feel- people can't argue with your feelings.

If you are a solid leader, or work for a solid leader, then it's likely the leader will already have reflected on this interaction and will be prepared to admit their mistake. Of course, if you work for someone that is always behaving this way and doesn't want your feedback, you may want to consider a change of employers.

Has anyone ever been in situation like this? How did YOU deal with it?